Monday, June 3, 2019
Today I overheard a girl refer to a meme about women's indecisiveness when choosing a place to eat. Apparently we are apprehensive to choose because we made such a horrible first choice at the beginning of creation by picking the apple to give our man. It dawned on me. I have been carrying around this underlying sense of responsibility, some need to make up for a supposed sin of my very late ancestor. After all, how can we be trusted to make concrete decisions after that first mess? We must be unreliable. Not all women were raised to think that we are the bad seed. If you were raised in a Christian home, as I was, maybe you can relate. I no longer identify with those types of ideas, however they definitely still have an impact. I never allowed myself to feel or believe I was good enough. If I have an absentee parent, I question what am I doing wrong that they don't make any effort to have a relationship with me. If my boss is upset I question my actions or behaviors first. If my loved ones are unhappy I question what I did or could do differently to make them happy. The truth is, I am not responsible for anyone's happiness but mine. I have been working on being more aware of my thought patterns. This way I can stop a self-defeating idea using reason and logic. I imagine a guilt free mind. I want to know what that feels like. I can safely say that my intention is to work towards pleasing my Creator. If I continue on this path, I can trust that if I make a mistake, I can forgive myself and ask for forgiveness and after that have a clear conscious. I wish for anyone reading this to make a conscious decision every day to trust your abilities, intuition and intentions. If you are striving to please your Creator, love will flow forward.